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Some days I just wait and wander with no feeling. It is as if the people, the work, the life I know, nothing really touches me. I worry at the emptiness and disconnectedness of it. I could create something, a painting, a poem, a reflection as I am doing now, but I have no desire to. There is just a haunting emptiness at the edge of new beginnings, old stories. I speak, I communicate, but I am simply tired, disengaged. An overwhelming weight drags me down as I wake up day after day with the weight of the dead. There are no big issues, no great problems and yet something just slowly crunches me, a shattering sense of disappointment. It is just one more feeling amidst many others. Perhaps it will go away in time, perhaps it will be in residence for a while. Some days I just wait and wander, with no memories that drag me down, and yet feeling the weight of the dead. I know this tiredness. It is not new. I wait for it to pass. The simple yet tragic weight of human life, its fullness and its emptiness, the vast interconnectedness that we are no more aware of, the mindless greed coupled with the ignorant simple desire to grow, the active need to be part of a change, the lost voice of an unheard struggle, the poetry of a being on the threshold of anger forever dissolving into pain or perhaps the other way round. I know this tiredness. It is not new. I wait for it to pass. The physical body withers, the mind shatters The soul wanders aimlessly, intuition cages itself The energies dissipate in chaos, identity disengages The mask of the familiar face, the known form stays on... I know this tiredness. It is not new. I wait for it to pass.
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 Templates, Rule Books, Textbooks, Complete planned curriculum with all the activities laid out to be executed by a teacher etc...
Classrooms enclosed by the idea of freedoms and the reality of empty promises; perfect students, perfect jobs, perfect tables and the idea of who owns the key to knowledge... While designing products or curricula or workshops for teachers and students, I am stunned at the creativity and leadership that flows once the doors are opened and equally startled by the powers that control and dam this creativity and ask for templates and rule books instead of intelligence and thoughtful expression, creation and application of ideas. 'We' become so used to teaching people to follow, that to believe they can be original, they can create and they can own their minds has become a 'wonderful possibility' starkly out of reach always. 'We' are constantly told students can't be 'all that' original, teachers can't really be so "creative" and we take away ownership and responsibility. Then we lament the lack of ownership and responsibility. It is indeed much slower, it is indeed more demanding and it is indeed more risky to let go, but why do we not trust the very people we claim to empower....the very people we believe are going to change the world! Do share your thoughts if this issue means something to you.  Ah! the wisdom of the young! I have been blessed to have some wonderful students across the years. And even as I spend my time telling them how much more they need to do and how lazy they are , I have also had the privilege of sharing their wisdom. Often in our hurry to live life, and emphasis on growing older and relating age to maturity, we miss out on the incredible wisdom that the young bring with them. And this year as many of my students worked with me, many others called me back after several years, I realized what great insights they share and how much they have in their own gentle, mischievous and fun ways shaped my life. So this post is to all of you out there, from my little first graders who are now in their teens, 2,3,4,5, 6 and of course the 7th graders from AVRS to my college undergrad girls who are into wonderful masters programs across the world. A very special hug to all of you. AND NO! you cannot quote this post back to me when I am teaching you.
 I picked up Henry David Thoreau's "Walden" sometime last year. At that time, Thoreau's name was a distant memory from a quote that I had read as a teenager. I don't know yet, what drew me to that book in a shop covered with books. Life's miracles?
It is not a book to be read at one go, or cover to cover. But a book with words to cherish, laugh with and find company in. The insights, profound sarcasm, and ideas of simplicity draw me more and more. The deeper I reflect on our society and ways of living, the lesser I want to have, hold on to. And in Thoreau, I find a voice closest to my heart. I am yet to figure out where these paths of reflection will lead, at the moment, I am enjoying the lines, " I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts" |
Srivi KalyanSrivi Kalyan works at the fluid and exciting intersection of arts, media and education. She is the Founder-Director of Fooniferse, a company that enables a 360 degree approach to working in the arts through a confluence of arts, education, media, design and self-reflection. Archives
March 2017
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