There is a certain absurdity to being who I am. I can't say it is wonderful all the time. But then it is there, this strange absurdity of being, of a reckless, rash, thoughtful and quirky combination of selves. Most of the time, when I am suddenly asked to introduce myself, I am confounded - Which of my selves should I introduce, I wonder: the micro organisms, the coral, the reef or the ocean or the waves? I wonder if others may perceive this weird confusion as profound silliness, confused identity or if they may have the patience to see it as a palpable mystery. And similar to my perception of my many selves, I am thrilled to meet the manyness in the oneness of people with seemingly singular identities.
Conflicting and confusing, mesmerizing and meandering, hilarious and eventful, I enjoy and come away often overwhelmed by meeting people. In fact it takes me a long time to process everything because I am obviously seeing too much and then I am also going into tangential zones of imagination and creativity. Then to appear quite simply polite, I drag all these meaningfully multiple forces of perception and keep them in an almost strangle hold, not that the forces care much about my idea of restriction. They are slippery and sneaky, wonderful and precocious. And they are ticklish as well, giving me enough reason to burst into laughter every few minutes or so. I like that, though it is sort of cranky to burst out laughing on serious occasions.
And quite often these selves hold their holy meetings, all joyous and wacky, all serious and reflective and engage in some kind of a ecosystem evolution. It is terrifying at best, mystical at worst, a complete upheaval throughout. And when I observe their meetings with that 'Nth' self who is being observed by yet another, I am drawn back to nature again and again to learn. Suddenly, when I switch off and get drawn into the uncanny depth of a leaf, a tree, a flight of birds and a sudden breeze, I am embraced by this great ecosystem, which I mirror in all my sheaths, physical, emotional, intellectual and metaphysical. Then my absurdity is no surprise, it is natural, it is real and it is profoundly simple.
For sometime if we can shut of the clamor in our lives, without our super-imposed human individualistic identity and watch the dance of a leaf and an ant, waves and sand, clouds and skies, we might find an abundance of selves in conversations around us; Evolving ecosystems of exchange, thought, transformation, holiness, conflicts, confusions, hilarity and blessedness in absurdity.
In healthy perspective, I find it even more unintelligible and wander off to wonder if I am driftwood, lake, iguana or dark night.
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